When I eventually found the courage to leave my abusive relationship, financial worries and concerns about how I could support my children and I were my primary concern. Looking back, it’s also probably one of the biggest reasons I stayed in such a toxic situation for as long as I did.
I desperately wanted to create a life for us all that I was proud of, but I had no financial safety net. I needed a plan.
My initial strategy was to get a job. I did the next part of my chartered accountancy training and got a job at an accountancy firm. But they wanted me there five days per week 9am-5.30pm, and with childcare costs spiralling and the fact I was barely seeing my boys, this wasn’t sustainable.
So I started my on-accountancy business. It was a risk, but I had to make it work so I could not only be present for my family but also enable me to build a future for us that I would be proud of.
And I’ve done just that, but not without challenges along the way. Now I use the lessons I have learnt to help support others who find themselves in a similar situation.
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Those that have escaped toxic situations and are starting again, along with those who have just come out of relationships where their partner managed the finances. We work together to help them build their financial confidence and create the future they want.
In part one, we talked about how to define your next chapter. The practicalities of working out what you need financially to survive – that means paying the bills and keeping things afloat.
We then talked about defining your goals – working out what the future looks like and putting together a plan to get there. For some, that plan might include getting a job or looking for better paid work. For others, the next chapter is to start their own business and work on their terms. Both paths are valid choices – it’s important to choose what works best for you.
Once you know what it is you’re aiming for, it’s time to put your plan into action, and here’s how:
1. Get to know your numbers
This isn’t just the amount you need right now; this also includes calculating what you need to build the future life you want. Once you know how much you are aiming for each month, you need to calculate how much you ideally need to earn to bring home enough money to cover everything.
If you’re employed, what sort of salary do you need? Does your current job give you enough or is it time to negotiate a pay rise? Remember to be realistic – this is about earning what you need to get through the next 12 months and build some stability for yourself. Small steps create big change for the future you.
If you’re going to start your own business, it’s time to put together a business plan. Consider how much your profits might be, then take away any overheads (premises, equipment, utility bills, marketing costs, stock, etc). Using these projections, you can calculate what your tax payments are likely to be. From this, you’ll have an idea of what your total take-home pay might be.
2. Build it and take action
Perhaps the hardest but most important step to take – it’s time to take action. Look at your bigger plan and break it down into manageable chunks. If starting a business is the way forward, register your company name or buy the domain name. If you are going to look for a new job, update your CV and contact recruiters.
Then look at what the next step could be. It’s important to have realistic goals. Telling yourself you need to be earning five figures by the end of the first month is likely to be an unrealistic target. But earning that amount 12 months down the line might well be possible.
3. Stay motivated and focused
Is this going to happen immediately? No. You need to play the long game, but it will all be worth it. Put timelines in place so you revisit the plan regularly and monitor your progress so you can see yourself inching closer to the goals. Celebrate the milestones you reach – big and small. It’s important to look at how far you have come.
It’s not all going to be straightforward and you’re going to come against obstacles and challenges along the way. Take your time and navigate your way through them. Adjust your plans as you go and remember: if something isn’t working, pivot – it’s not failure – its growth.
Building financial confidence after a relationship isn’t easy, but it is possible to create the life you want and on your terms.
It takes courage, compassion for yourself, and a willingness to take one step at a time. It won’t always be easy, and there will be challenges, but you can do this. You’re stronger than you think, and you’re capable of more than you realise.
Above all, stay true to the life you want to build. Regaining control of your finances is a powerful step toward regaining control of your future. And while it may not feel like it right away, you are laying the foundation for something incredible. One day, you’ll look back, see how far you’ve come and feel proud.
Cheryl Sharp is founder and CEO of Elpis Kai Eleuthreia Limited
