14 years ago, I packed my bags and left my abusive marriage with two young children in tow. I had no money of my own, and no clear idea of what the future would look like.
But one thing was certain: failure wasn’t an option. Whatever happened next had to lead to a better future for me and my boys.
From the outside, it looked like I had a good life. I was a mum and a wife, we had a nice home, and we’d even started a business together. But behind closed doors, the reality was very different. My partner became abusive – not physically at first, but coercively. I was the puppet, and he was pulling the strings.
He needed to know where I was, who I was with, and what I was doing at all times. Even though I made sure the bills were always paid, they were paid with ‘his’ money, and he controlled exactly how it was spent.
As his behaviour worsened, my self-esteem plummeted. He told me I was nothing and believed him. One night, things turned physical, and he stormed out of the house. I knew that was my moment to leave. I had no financial safety net, so I needed a plan.
Why Life Insurance Still Matters – Even During a Cost-of-Living Crisis
Sponsored by Post Office
Having done accountancy work in the past, I decided to do the next part of my chartered accountancy training. I couldn’t afford the course, so I taught myself through books and online tutorials, all while juggling single parenting and working alongside. I qualified and eventually landed a job at an accountancy firm.
But it wasn’t easy. Working full-time while raising a young family alone became unsustainable.
I needed something more flexible that worked for us. That’s when I set up my own accountancy practice, Pink Pig Financials. Running my own business gave me the freedom to work remotely and flexibly around the children, and it became the foundation for a new chapter in our lives.
Slowly but surely, Pink Pig Financials grew. I began to support us financially and regained a sense of stability and confidence. It was a tough journey, and I learned so much along the way. Today, I use that knowledge to support other women who’ve experienced domestic abuse, helping them rebuild, find their financial confidence and believe in their ability to thrive.
The first step is always the hardest – here are my tips for where to begin:
1. Define your future
Don’t let your past define you. Where do you want to be in 12 months, five years, 10 years down the line? Is homeownership important to you? What do you want from a career path?
Financial security and stability will mean different things to different people and this is your opportunity to think about what it means to you. Once you have this, you can work backwards, breaking the bigger goals down into manageable steps and working out what you need to do to get there.
2. Budgeting – how much money do you need?
Make a list of all your outgoings – rent, utilities, mobile phone bills, car, petrol, and going out expenses. Use this to calculate how much you need to live on. Start putting together a budget splitting it into needs, wants and must-haves.
My personal budgeting tool might be helpful – download for free here. Don’t forget to include money for hobbies, social events and other things such as clothing – just be realistic in knowing that you may need to cut back on some of those things for a while.
A sustainable budget also supports your mental wellbeing, which is also important after a break-up. You’re rebuilding, and that includes looking after your emotional health.
It’s also prudent to start building some savings for unexpected costs, like home or car repairs.
Getting yourself straight and setting a financial path isn’t easy and you don’t want all that hard work to go off-track because the washing machine has broken or the roof needs repairing. Where possible, put money aside each month to cover emergencies so they don’t hit as hard when they happen.
It’s also important to have a ‘fun plan’, putting money aside for that handbag you want or a cheeky holiday. It’s important to have something nice to aim for.
3. How to do it
Next, think about how you want to get there. If you are employed, does your current job give you what you need to achieve these goals? If not, have a conversation with your boss to discuss a possible pay rise or put together a plan for promotion.
If you are not currently working, is this a possibility? What does that need to look like for you to cover your day-to-day costs, as well as working around children or other caring responsibilities?
Perhaps starting your own business, with the ability to work around these factors, is your way forwards? It’s not as scary as it sounds. Being able to define your future is important and the key to success is knowing what you want to work towards.
If you currently have a job, is your salary going to cover you for what you need?
If you are not currently working, is it time to look for suitable employment? If you have children, do you need to find something that fits in with their needs? This is where starting your own business could be the best solution, allowing you the ability to work on your own terms.
You don’t need to have it all figured out today. Take it step by step and start to define the life you want. In part two, we’ll take a deeper dive and look at how to take action, grow your income, and build that long-term financial stability you want.
Cheryl Sharp is founder and CEO of Elpis Kai Eleuthreia Limited
